Modern Primate

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I have the best haters. Fans too, but today’s video isn’t so much about them.

In the interest of representing diverse viewpoints, we’ve brought back resident Men’s Rights activist and Tea Party patriot Curt Rancor to weigh in on the upcoming Presidential election. Curt’s opinions do not represent those of Modern Primate as a whole.

- The Editor

Whether or not you agree with me, the fact of the matter is that we are at war. No, I’m not talking about the War on Terror. Obama has already conceded defeat on that front. No, I’m talking about the ongoing war in which Christians are defending themselves against Muslims. I’m not just saying that because he’s black. We truly are at the End of Days as predicted in the Book of Revelations, which is why it’s so important that we defeat Barack Hussein Obama in the 2012 election. Mitt Romney may not really be the right kind of Christian, but he’s close and he’s all we’ve got.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. All that Apocalypse stuff isn’t really something we need to worry about in our lifetime. We need to defeat Obama so he doesn’t force us all to get gay married and have abortions against our will and line up our old folks into death camps and whatnot.  But while these are important issues, the fact of the matter is that the Muslim Dome of Rock currently stands where the Temple of David should be in Israel, and the Bible is clear that The Temple must be restored before the Lord’s will can be fulfilled. Read More »

(via Elect Mitt Romney to Defend Against Muslim Communist Jihad Apocalypse | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep)

As expected: An RNC attendee threw nuts at a black CNN camerawoman and called her an animal. [talkingpointsmemo]

Unexpected: This guy’s t-shirt has a pun on it that made me smile. [redsuspenders]

Unnecessarily: Bic thought that ladies needed their own special pens, inspiring some Three Wolf Moon-esque Amazon reviews. [consumerist]

Up top: This map makes me kinda wish I was attending the RNC. [natesmith]

On that note: Here’s Krispy Kreme singing a little bit for the girls on Facebook. [youtube]

Remember that time James Bond pretended to be Japanese. Yeah. That was awkward.

(via Interviews with Fictional Characters: James Bond | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep)

Dodai Stewart defends the fact that some Olympic athletes are fat, and that’s okay. [Jezebel]

In regards to Girls‘ casting calls for a “sexy” El Salvadoran and an “overweight” African American with a “good sense of humor,” Treebraids ponders the question “What’s the difference between legitimate diversity and crass tokenism?” [ONTD]

Men in Japan beat the heat with parasols. [Reuters]

When the small Minnesota town of Madison Lake sought to break the world record for the World’s Largest Bikini Parade, only 39 people chose to participate. [AP]

Hot Tub Time Machine director Steve Pink is currently in talks to direct Bad Santa 2[Bleedingcool]

Up top, Grand Theft Tardis London T-Shirt mashes up Doctor Who and Grand Theft Auto [Ript Apparel]

(via Link Roundup: Fat Athletes and Hollywood Tokenism | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep)

At one point in your life you may very well find yourself attending a dinner party surrounded by guests with different political affiliations and religious beliefs than you. They’ll be about 20-30 years older than you, and finding common ground for polite conversation can be tricky. But ultimately, this is an okay situation to be in.

At one point, it’s possible, that you may meet a guest who wants to tell you all about how he used to work in commercial arts. If your partner asks what commercial arts is, and you respond with, “it’s like graphic design,” then be prepared to hear a long-winded speech about kids today with their Photoshop and how nobody appreciates T-Squares like they used to.

When he inquires about what you do, if you respond with anything having to do with the internet he will only be capable of hearing “I design websites,” even if that is not at all what you do. You can tell him all about content management, editorial, social media, community management, what have you, and he will inevitably steer the conversation back to telling you why you need to learn how to use Dreamweaver because if you can use Microsoft Publisher than you can design a website using Dreamweaver and you can learn all about how to do HTML on the web.

Do not bother telling him about how you’re more likely to hire a professional developer. In this man’s mind, the entirety of the web is built on the HTML of the 90s and nothing more. At this point you should nod and smile.

After an adequate amount of nodding and smiling, he’ll tell you a joke about Dennis Rodman. The joke will likely only be an attack on Rodman’s ego, but he’s telling the joke to test the waters and see how you feel about The Blacks and The Gays. It doesn’t matter that Dennis Rodman is straight. The wedding gown stunt was questionable enough to make him one of The Gays in this man’s eyes. It also doesn’t matter that Dennis Rodman retired from the NBA 12 years ago (see Dreamweaver.) But don’t fret! You can use this as an opportunity to tactfully declare your point of view without having to tell him he’s a racist homophobe and cause a scene. 

Read the whole article: Completely Hypothetical Advice on Dinner Party Etiquette