Modern Primate

The idea that you can do something that’s funny or amazing and that all you need is the power of Twitter to spread it, or that if you “hustle” and have “passion” and you follow all these different cockamamie strategies that you’ll become rich and famous, or perhaps overthrow your government, or “disrupt” an established industry, it’s so obviously bullshit. But … it sounds great on paper. And given the record high unemployment rate and the general economic conditions America and most of the world currently has to deal with, anything that offers the promise of riches is what we’re going to cling to, despite all evidence to the contrary.

And because the myth sounds great, we make up these fantasies of what these platforms can do for us, and those fantasies get lodged so deeply in our minds that it’s virtually impossible to remove them.

Believe me, I know. I still think about Ashley. So when I argue with someone about how social media is bullshit, as frustrating as it is to have them just repeat the same specious “proof” that I’m wrong over and over again, I know deep down in my heart that the reason why they can’t accept the truth is the same reason this Ashley thing still exists in my mind: It’s because the truth sucks.

We want to believe that the beautiful woman can love the ugly guy. We want to believe that Twitter can give us a voice equal to a major news network, but … life sucks. There’s no other way to put it. And it sucks because neither of these things are not, and never have been, true.

BJ Mendelson, author of Social Media is Bullshit: What The Myth of Social Media Has To Do With A Beautiful Relationship That Doesn’t Exist | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep

She’s got her Spotify stream connected to her wall, which provides pretty constant updates on what she’s listening to. You want her to know that you like listening to music, too (currency of our generation, etc etc). But only the uber-cool, underground, above ground, turned mainstream, made a left turn onto obscurestream and once in a while throwbacks your audiophile friends talk about when they’re high and standing out on the street after a cool concert they didn’t invite you to. But you’re not high…and you’re on Facebook. And this is the girl you like. So you like all her music posts and concert photos and maybe nothing else, remaining aloof and yet seemingly musically inclined. You are: a Pitchdork

Read the rest: How to Treat a Lady: Like Her Likes

Now, that you’ve set the groundwork for an evening of choice ass poetry…or is it choice ass-poetry? Either way, read on to find out how you can really tug at her heartstrings. The ones that are connected to her brain and her vagina. Like this romantic AND informative limerick you could recite in an intimate situation.

There once was a smart young lady

Who wasn’t ready to have a baby

With no birth control around

Planned Parenthood run aground

She stopped having sex. JK. That’s crazy.

Continue Reading: How to Treat a Lady: Serenade Her with Truths | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep

Every dude has been there: “It’s not you, its me.” – one of the saddest adages of all time. Things may have been going so well for the first six months (or six weeks) (or, knowing a past roommate, six minutes), yet as always… what goes up must come down.

(via Opinion: Coping With a Breakup | Modern Primate | The Manhood Manual)

Straight men can have body issues too, but it’s usually not an insane arms race that drives them to become weird sex doll monsters like Courtney Stodden or Chris Crocker. In fact, I think that most of the pressure on straight men to look good comes from other straight men. That kind of peer pressure is the basic idea behind magazines like GQ. But maybe I’m wrong, who knows, I’m far from an authority on the subject of issues specific to straight people.

(via Male Body Issues: of Scrubs and Waterfalls | Modern Primate | The Manhood Manual)